Let's discuss about Business Correspondence Letters

In this week’s blog, I will share my thoughts on a business letter I had received some time ago. This letter was written with the intention to persuade cardmembers to join a priority taxi booking service. The content of this letter is provided below.

3 January 2009

XYZ
12 ABC Avenue 3
Singapore 567890

Dear Valued Cardmember,

Relax. Now you’ll be the first to get a cab whenever you need one

From now on, you can be the first to get a taxi when you need one, with the priority taxi booking hotline reserved exclusively for QRS Credit Cardmembers. What’s more, you will enjoy a waiver of the usual 10% surcharge and GST for credit card payments. The waived amount will be credited back into your Credit Card account and reflected in your following months’ statement.

Only registered QRS Credit Cardmembers have access to the hotline, so you will find your calls are connected much faster. What’s more, the hotline helps you book with the biggest taxi fleet in Singapore – comprising 15,000 Comfort, City Cab and Yellow-Top Cab taxis. The dedicated hotline operator will manage your call and help you get a cab fast.

The credit card surcharge and GST waiver, as well as the priority booking hotline promotion are valid from 4 January until 4 July 2009. To register for the hotline, simply provide us with your address and choose two telephone numbers to have access. Please allow 5-8 days for your application to be processed, before calling the taxi on the hotline 6553 8888.

Why wait any longer? Register your details today and leave the taxi queue behind.

Yours sincerely,


EFG
Head, Consumer Finance
QRS Bank

I feel that the overall letter, as shown above, had been well constructed, as it was clear in conveying its intention of persuading clients to sign up for the priority taxi booking service. In addition, some strategies employed within the letter helped in making it an effective one. These strategies are described as follows.

Firstly, the effective use of the caption “Relax. Now you’ll be the first to get a cab whenever you need one” at the start of the letter, helped to captivate the readers’ attention. Thus, it could lead them into reading the letter further. Moreover, it succinctly conveyed the privilege that cardmembers can enjoy if they signed up for the service.

Secondly, the potential benefits have been clearly outlined within the letter. Furthermore, there was concreteness in presenting the benefits as demonstrated by the employment of vivid explanations which helped to elaborate how the benefits arise. For instance, to emphasize that cardmembers can enjoy faster taxi booking service, the letter attributed it to the exclusivity of the taxi booking hotline and staffs’ commitment to providing quality service.

Thirdly, the letter addressed the anticipated queries of the readers, as it provided the readers with the relevant details as to how and when they could register for the promotion mentioned, as well as, the telephone hotline number to dial to enjoy the priority taxi booking service. Besides these, contact details were written to inform readers the channel they could approach if they had any queries.

Fourthly, the inclusion of a last reminder of the benefits as a concluding statement helped to reiterate the objective of the letter and provided a persuasive yet non-aggressive means to appeal for readers’ action.

Fifthly, the appropriate use of diction had effectively conveyed courtesy, coherence and conciseness. Courtesy was demonstrated by the choice of words such as “valued cardmember” and the use of gender neutral pronoun “you” throughout the length of the letter. While coherence was illustrated by the use of connectors such as “what’s more”, that helped to introduce the multiple benefits in a sequential manner.

Sixthly, the cohesiveness in structure was shown by the methodical approach employed in putting forward the ideas. Starting from the outline of the benefits, to the explanation of how the benefits arise, to ultimate provision of program registration details, a systematic progression in ideas could be seen. As a result of the cohesive organization of ideas, clarity was conveyed.

However, there is still a need for improvement within the letter. For instance there was incompleteness in informing how the application for the priority taxi booking service could be performed. This is because there was no mention that the application details had to be written within the enclosed form and returned via mail through the enclosed self addressed envelope. Moreover, with regards to correctness, there was a minor error in the language used. Instead of the use of “following months’ statement”, it should have been “following month’s statement”.

In spite of the minor mistakes made, I feel that the letter remained largely successful in portraying itself as a good persuasive business correspondence letter.